A Matrix or a Maze?

When an organization is trying to flatten its structure, managers sometimes end up reporting to more than one boss. Depending on what role needs performing or what task needs to be completed, I have 3 men that want answers or analysis or this or that project completed. Of course, to use a real cliche - I'm never bored! What makes life really exciting is when Boss #1 expects an answer that Boss #3 already told you is wrong.

Personalities play heavily into this scene - and finding your way through the jungle of what B1, B2, and B3 want at any given moment, is indeed, like navigating your way through a maze. To thine own self be true, but there's certainly no harm in being able to subtly change your approach to complement the personality you have to deal with that day.

Here's a sample:

• B1 (the Consultant guy) -> "We sold your division so why can't we take cost savings of no longer printing payment coupons since we don't own that division anymore? Then we can shut down the print center and let all of those employees go and save the electricity, salaries, envelope cost, ink, paper, spit to seal the envelopes...."
• The Hotfessional -> "Well, we don't actually print payment coupons - that was outsourced to a print vendor about 3 years ago. So, the company that bought my division is now paying that vendor's bill. If we shut down the print center because of the sale of my division, we'd actually be preventing the rest of the company from getting anything printed and mailed...."
• B1 -> "Oh, well, yes.....ehhemmm"

---

• B2 (the Detail Guy) -> "You approved this invoice for $298,273.28 @ 4:32 pm on Thursday, May 3 this year. Last year's invoice was $198,275.48. What was the increase?"
• The Hotfessional -> "We added 167 new licenses and upgraded the support and maintenance contract to 24/7/365 telephone accessibility. Actually, although the original contract specified a maximum 4% per year increase while we used the product, the vendor decreased the price per license by 1% and we received the upgraded support and maintenance at a 35% savings over new client cost. I believe I noted that in the comments section on the invoice."
• B2 -> "Oh, well, yes.....ehhemmm"

---

• B3 (the 'I need this now' guy) -> "I saw the update on the # of items processed through the XYZ system and wondered, in light of the division sale, if our volumes were up or down compared to this time last month, the month before that, and this month last year. I'd like to take this before the ABC committee tomorrow afternoon, so please have all of the data to me by the time I get in tomorrow"
• The Hotfessional -> "Actually, we run that on a daily basis so I have it right here. "

.......... 4 days later ............

• The Hotfessional -> "How did the presentation on Thursday? (blank look from B3) The presentation on items processed volume pre- and post-division sale?
• B3 -> "Oh, well, yes.....ehhemmm"

It's also really important to be able to multi-task and delegate. Delegation is not something that comes easy to me. Patience is in even shorter supply. Mr. Hot has informed me that I tend to "talk down" to people when they don't agree with me. (Yes, we were arguing at the time....so believe me, I was talking down, up, sideways and inside out because he was being completely unreasonable! Really. Honest. Geez, what is wrong with you?)

---- Finding your way as a hotfessional in today's business climate - with staff reductions, longer work days, changing expectations and all that crap - can make it hard to climb that ladder, but remember....when you get to a certain point on that ladder, you can see the path through the maze. ----

Back from the America's Roller Coast

Well, we all made it back safe and sound. I'd forgotten how much I absolutely love having the shit scared outta me (well, not literally, but you know...)

It was a great weekend. This rollercoaster, for those of you who aren't C.P. aficionados (the first time I was there was in 6th grade-1974!) is "the Mantis". Here's the description from the Cedar Point site:

Guests board high-tech trains and fly down a 145-foot-tall first hill at an outrageous top speed of 60 mph, all while standing up! That's right, standing
up!

By the way, that is a loop there and there's lots of twists and turns and rolls and....wayyy too much fun. We met the 19-year-old (NYO) and the 23-year-old (TYO) on Friday afternoon and hit the park for the twilight (5 pm - 10 pm) hours. Came back and played board games until after midnight. Spent Saturday morning playing cards (where were those prayers people? I asked for no rain) and then the afternoon and evening at the park (it finally stopped raining around 2 pm). Then Mr. Hot and I kicked back on Sunday at our 400 sq. ft. cottage right on Sandusky Bay and (oops) finished a bottle of vodka. Luckily the three children (can you count them as children now?) didn't come back until after 11 pm. I had sobered up somewhat, and Mr. Hot had fallen asleep, so they didn't have to hear any liquor induced conversation ;-)

Amazingly enough, Mr. Hot and I have been together 16 years. We've been traveling with these 3 kids for 15 of those years (since Mr. Hot and I begat the Shortman) and this was the first time I've felt like we were a family. Being the stepmom was never easy with this crew. And as the sole wage earner in the family for most of that time (yes, I paid their child support and college expenses) - and with us living nearly 300 miles away, I never felt like much more than a checkbook. I'm not sure whether they didn't keep in touch because of me, their feelings toward their Dad, or something that their Mom did/said about us, but we were rarely included in their lives and they "graced us" with their presence once/year - early on it was Spring Break, then Christmas (for which budgets were blown). Recently, the NYO has started keeping in touch and suggesting that we get together (Thanksgiving the past two years, this C.P. trip), so I guess we're all just growing up. As a 16-year-old would move toward some level of maturity, so moves our 16-year-old family. I'm hoping that this time the "Please keep in touch" and "We will" will not just be an empty promise.

---- Monday we drove home, and figured out that we had no food in the house. How depressing is it to have to go grocery shopping the same day you return from a really great weekend? ----

Fashion Choices - Sometimes I'm not so smart

When I started working for this company back in 1992 (yes ... 15 years ago ... although technically, we've been bought 4 times since then, so ... same hire date but different branding on my business card!) - all women had to wear skirts or dresses. NO pants! Yes, you read that right. Sad, isn't it. The 90's.

Once those of us with boobs (oops, there go the search engines) could start wearing pants, all of my pretty skirts and dresses got pushed to the back of the closet. Oh, I'd still pull them out every once in a while - for old times sake. I'd grimace as yet another fingernail went through the pantyhose ($7.50 down the drain). Then I finally decided - Pantyhose = BAD. Trouser socks = GOOD. Only under extreme duress would I wear something without legs.

So, what the hell happened this morning? I open my closet and see (oooh) pretty blue short-sleeved shift dress hanging there. I know it's going to be pushing 90 degrees today. I now work in a building where you can go without pantyhose - just shave your legs for crying out loud - so I throw it on with a pair of matching ballet-style flats. Cute! Grab blazer for air conditioned conference rooms. Ready, set, go.

Walk downstairs. Mr. Hot looks up from his bowl of cereal. Does a double-take. "What's the occasion?" says he. "Oh, just felt like something different", says me.

Shortman comes down. "Mom, you're wearing a dress?". I reply, "Damn, I knew 11 years of public school would teach you something!". (Snort. Sometimes I can out-sarcasm a 15 year old boy. Even at 7:30 a.m.)

Now, did I mention that I'm in the process of moving between old office and new office? (Window!) That I run all over this building? That I frequently have to bend over to pick things up? (I'm very clumsy and drop things. A lot.). So, not a smart choice for this morning. But cute. Very very cute.

In other news, tomorrow I leave for a 4-day weekend with Mr. Hot, the Shortman, and my 2 step-kids, the 19 year old and the 23 year old. We're meeting up in Sandusky Ohio - home of Cedar Point and all things roller-coaster-y. Pray that it doesn't rain in Ohio this weekend. For me, please???? Five of us in 400 square feet for 3 1/2 days doesn't bode well for the mental health aspects of my family. However, I'm sure that it will generate some good blog material!

---- So until (if) I get back - You all have a great Memorial Day - Remember our fallen and thank them and their families for the sacrifices they have made. Don't overdose on hot dogs and potato salad. ----

New Digs!

So, moved into my new (with a freakin' window.....woo hoo! on the first floor! gimme another one!) office today. The same day the grounds crews are doing maintenance. Do I get Juan "the pool boy" cutting grass? Do I get a Matthew McConoughy look-alike doing the edging?

Nooooo, of course not. I get Joe-Bob, the beer-bellied, plumber-panted, cigar-smoker weeding the dying perennials outside my window. I know you all are just screaming with jealousy.

---- Seriously y'all, what did I do to deserve such good fortune? ----

Another Hottie

with fashion issues. She agrees about the tape, too. See Miss Doxie for a giggle or seven.

Bed, Book, and Beyond

Mr. Hot and I put a new Hosta bed in over the weekend (there's also two astilbe in there) and dug up about 4 years of mulch in the front flower beds and replaced it with new. My fingers are torn up! I can't work in gloves, I just can't, so my nails were black (from the dye in the mulch) and shredded. It was fun though, and soooo much of an improvement over the dirt and rock hole that was in this spot.

When I wasn't digging - I was relaxing with Jen Lancaster's book "Bitter is the New Black" and a drink or two. If you haven't read this book, you must. Next up - "Bright Lights, Big Ass". Jen is horrid, an Execu-Bitch extraordinaire....and I would love to have her as a new best friend. I've lived some of those days, and I swear we know some of the same people - and she lives in Chicago - so it's even more possible. Of course, she's also sweetly disarming when she reflects back on her "before" and "after" - maybe if I promise her a couple of martinis next time I'm in town, I can drag her away from her keyboard long enough to figure out some of her secrets. Seriously y'all - if you enjoy a wicked sense of humor, read Jen. This is female executive life at its finest.

I "discovered" Jen when I stumbled across mention of her in another of my favorite blogs and this one from a fellow Michiganian (Note: we are not Michiganders....that would imply we have webbed feet and honk) )- "Underpaid Kept Woman". This is a sample of what has, in the past, caused me to laugh hard enough to scatter the cats. When I found Susie Sunshine, I had to start at the very beginning, and read every post, in order. I'm telling you - read her! She also has a standing invite to my deck to drink to excess - because sometimes, whether you're a hotfessional or not, it's just fun to be with people of like minds.

Oh...Victoria's Secret has my FAVORITE pants for 50% off (and in 2 versions! wide leg and straight leg). Pair them with a cute T-shirt - throw on a jacket, and you look like you have a much more expensive outfit - and I love the way these Bridget-fit pants actually fit. They're NOT down to there.....they sit at your waist....you can throw them in the wash, hang them to dry, and they travel well. A new Execu-hot looking outfit without spending a fortune! Which means you can afford new shoes too..... and maybe a new purse?

--- Not Prada, though. Sorry Jen, but although I share your love of all things Kate Spade, my one Kate purse was an eBay find at $20. ---

Casual Fridays

Being a Hotfessional, Casual Fridays cause me Friday morning angst. How much can I really get away with to fit in? Since my "home base" building doesn't have customer traffic, the only people I interact with while I'm here are other technology execs...in other words...none of us are out there with the rich guys. Essentially, it's always business casual, but on Fridays it takes on a new meaning.

On one hand, I don't want to wear my usual Execu-hot wear because if I do, the staff here assumes that either:

1. I think I'm better than them or
2. I am a highbrow bitch

On the other hand, my jeans are not exactly "mom" jeans. They're worthy of stiletto heels and lace camisoles and juggling my Cosmo.

I do have a couple of strategies - like throwing on a blazer that covers my ass and wearing the jeans. Or dressing down a pair of pants from a suit with a fairly casual top. And I'm fine with that - really. I'm generally too cheap to go buy a pair of jeans that are not my usual style just to wear on Fridays. But - Oh My God! Some of the things I've seen around here today:

• Dollar store flip flops with stretch pants and a midriff baring T-shirt
• Shorts (!!!!! - in Michigan - there was FROST last night!)
• Badonkadonk butts - (if you haven't seen the Subway commerical, click here) - in sweat pants.

Ladies....if you want to move up the food chain, (and I WANT YOU THERE!!!!), please think about the image you're projecting when you walk out in the morning. Yikes.

One of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:

----- The finest clothing made is a person's skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. ----

They're waiting at home

Okay, so I was right. I get to the airport, and there's 10 people in front of me on the standby list, so there ain't no way I'm getting on that puddle jumper. At least American Airlines came through with a last minute upgrade for me. Yea, American!

Waiting at home for me are Mr. Hot, Shortman, Poopy the Puppy and Fric and Frac, the kittens. The kittens were rescued in January from a shelter. Poopy the puppy was a Humane Society dog. If you can, please, please, provide a home for a new cuddly companion. Pet Finder is a wonderful source, and if you're in Michigan, "Meet your Best Friend at the Zoo" is a twice/year adoption event at the Detroit Zoo. The May event is past, but you may want to consider a new furball for Fall.

The fur-clan:

Mr. Hot is my hero. For the past 11 years, he's done what I could never do - stay at home. After going through a reorganization himself, he retired when Shortman was in kindergarten. Shortman is now a sophomore in High School and I'm a spoiled wife who cannot work the washing machine and can only cook dinner under extreme duress. I'm sure there's times he'd rather I have a more conventional career, but he's always supported everything I've done. "Honey, I have to go to India for two weeks" - sure. "They want me to go to Amsterdam next week" - go ahead. I got a winner, and he needs to know it.

Shortman is 15 and has been through Driver's Ed and has his Learner's permit. (And does anyone wonder why I have gray hair?). He plays baseball - and when they're 15, it's pitching, not tees. And stealing. And the real thing. I'm "the Pitcher's mom". I die a little every time he steps up to the mound...not because he can't do it, but because he can. The spotlight is there, the team is depending on him, and somehow, someway, he knows what to do.

---- I can't wait to get home to them. The gamble of a standby flight, even if it means sitting here for an extra 4 hours, would have been worth it, but instead it means really crappy airport food. ----

Misc. Stuff

• They're restructuring the 19th floor - where my office in Chicago is. Which means that before I leave to catch my flight home, I must pack up this office into 6 boxes (!) between attending 4 different meetings, having lunch with a contact who I hope will be able to find me a new job after Buyer #10 tells me they don't want me, and making sure I'm in a cab by 3 pm to head out to O'Hare. What fun.

• It's supposed to frost in Ann Arbor tonight. I planted 80 freakin' petunias on Mother's Day. Why don't I learn that planting before Memorial Day in Zone 5 is just another form of gambling? Mr. Hot says it's 50 degrees and spitting rain right now.

...Packing and lunch break.....

• Shit! What happened to tape that used to be able to hold up a hem? Corporate procurement cost cutting means that I can no longer repair a hem with the quick placement of a little piece of tape. No....now I have to pack my own double-sided, extra sticky tape for these emergencies.

• So, is it better to leave for the airport @ 3 and hope to get on the puddle jumper that is completely booked already (but hey, someone might not show up and I can go standby) - which means I risk sitting around for nearly 4 hours or just work a bit longer and get in the cab in Chicago rush hour - and likely get carsick - and make it to the airport for the ticketed 7:25 flight?

• 8 boxes.....damn

• But, if I leave @ 3 and get to the airport and can't get on the puddle jumper, I can have a glass of wine or two. Since I didn't get my upgrade today. WTF? - I'm a Platinum frequent flyer.

• This is a really lame post .... sorry, but it's just a random thought kinda day.

Serious Business, Good Company, and White Blouses

Had dinner last night with an ex-boss, and 2 current co-workers. The three of us had reported to the boss a few years ago, and since we were all in town, decided to catch up over cocktails and Italian food. Business dinners, for me, mean being the ONLY one who asks where the ladies room is, who understands that there's more on the menu than steak, and who doesn't drool if the waitress is a hotfessional herself.

We talked business - mostly about resignations and retirements; the current state of our parent company and their (in our opinion) lack of concern over their responsibility to shareholders and the way the managing board members seem to be way more interested in their own financial statements than employee welfare or customer satisfaction. We've all been affected recently by the sale of parts of the company we work for, and are trying to figure out what is best for our careers and families. As the primary wage earners we figure that with the current state of affairs, we'd better get our resumes up to date and get those executive recruiters numbers back into our Blackberrys.

Then, of course, a woman in a white, low-cut blouse was seated at the table next to us. Suddenly, I was sitting with the Sr. Management bobble-head team. It only got worse when her friend joined her. The testosterone cloud settled over the table.

Some may think that I would become offended. Naw. I've decided that it's actually pretty amusing to watch these guys. Since I was sitting in a position where I had the best view (no bobbling necessary, I could just be looking around at the decor), I took the opportunity to tell them that the women were together. On a date. This, I knew, would fuel their fire since 96% of American men claim that being with 2 women is their hottest fantasy. (Mr. Hot claims its not his, but I bet if I were to meet up with Angelina there'd be no keeping him out of that!)

If there's one thing I've learned after 9 years of being one of the only females in this management group - (and I will say that these are the greatest group of guys I've known) - women can bitch about the double entendres and the snickering all they want, but if we're honest with ourselves, there are very few of us who wouldn't like that kind of attention. DO NOT read this as condoning sexual harrassment. I believe that if something makes you uncomfortable and you make an attempt to request the harasser to stop, then you are well within your right to take legal action to protect yourself. If that doesn't work, then you're within your right to punch him in the gut <.....kidding.....geez. Kick him in the balls instead. Hard!>

---- But if we believe in true friendship among the sexes, then there's no harm/no foul in open worshipping at the altar of Hotness that is all around us, even in mixed company. ----

The Romance of Business Travel

Yawn........Travel days start too early. The alarm went off at 4:00 a.m. to make a 7:05 flight. The airport is 20 minutes away. 10 minutes through security. Why get up at 4? It takes me that long to ingest the caffeine necessary to make myself presentable. Besides, I may decide to change my clothes 3 or 9 times before I head out.

Just before I walk out the door to the car this morning (remind me to tell you about my car service experiences sometime!), I realize I don't have the badge that will allow me into my secured-floor office. Heck, I can't even get into the bathroom without it. After charging around the house looking, I find it stashed in my jewelry box (on top of the earrings I changed my mind about earlier).

Security lines weren't bad this morning....except that when I go through the "take off your shoes" routine and pat myself down looking for rogue metal, I realize that the badge (yes, that same badge) isn't hooked onto my beltloop. Damn!

Once through security (with only a slight delay caused by my forgetting about the baggie of liquid items because I was panicked about the badge issue), I phone Mr. Hot to vent about losing damn badge. He finds it laying on the walk in front of the house.

So now I know....

....it's going to be one of those trips.

But hey, at least the panic subsided enough for me to get settled into my seat, cover up with the blanket (hey, first class upgrades buy you some privileges), and prepare for a little nap. A 45-minute flight to the Windy City is perfect .... just drift off and arrive refreshed.

Well, the drifting off went well. The rumble of the plane and arrival at the runway signaled imminent departure. Gaining speed, I feel the lift of the wheels just starting...the blissful sleepy feeling is washing over me when WHAM! Brakes on. Hard. Enough to understand why you keep your seatbacks in an upright position and stow tray tables. Engines off.

The pilot's voice comes over the speaker: "Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen - but we thought something was wrong with the plane. Now we don't think there is. So, we'll just go back around to the beginning of the runway and try again."


--- Somehow, I don't think a nap is in the cards for this trip. Come to think of it, it's not even necessary. I'm wide awake now ---

The Source

First off - let me empirically state that I do not consider myself hot. That tag was bestowed upon me by Mr. Hot....my domestic counterpart, the Yang to my Yin, my sex slave. The one who broadens my focus, keeps me up to date on current events, and buys my vodka for sanity preservation. (Of course, as I get older and more pre-menopausal, I've taken to hiding his glasses so he won't stop thinking I'm hot).

---- Welcome to my world - fasten your seatbelts. ----